California Climbing Trip 2004. . . The Big Four-Oh!

“You should be on a cliff in Yosemite on your fortieth birthday.” That’s what my wife said about a year ago. When I suggested the idea to Nick, he said he was game except for the fact that he and his wife were working on a possible TV pilot for CBS. He thought fall 2004 would be fine, but warned me that a scheduling conflict could rear its ugly head at any time and throw a spanner into the works. Yeah right, whatever. This is going to be great! I book my flight from JKF to LAX in the spring. As we’re coming down to the wire, lo and behold, Nick and Cheryl actually are writing and producing a TV pilot. The shoot, of course, is scheduled for the week we planned to be in Yosemite! Four flight changes later, and we have the dates nailed down; drive from L.A. to Yosemite on September 23rd , climb the 24th, 25th and 26th (my actual birthday) and return to L.A. on the 27th. Time to start packing.

I got to L.A. the day before our scheduled departure to the Valley. (I figured that once I showed up at his door, Nick would have to stop rescheduling our trip.) Because he was still busy with last-minute production stuff I went out that night with another friend who lives in L.A. We drove the Pacific Coast Highway in a convertible, smoked cigars, had a great dinner on the beach, drank some beer and talked politics (my birthday trip was off to a very good start.) High hopes of hitting the road for Yosemite by lunchtime slowly fizzled throughout the day. What was 1:00 became 2:00 which then became 4:00. All said and done we were leaving at 5:15.

We arrived at the Ahwahnee, which is a simply amazing hotel, at 10:30 pm. The super soft comfy beds were beckoning, but by the time we pre-sorted our gear and it was past midnight—and we had a 5:00am meeting at Camp 4 for our climb of the East Buttress on El Cap, Yikes!

Five am came all too quickly. Actually it was 4:20am—our wake up call—that came way way way too quickly. We had to go meet Ken Yager our guide on this little adventure. Did I just say guide? Wait a minute… what’s this guide stuff? I had been hoping Nick and I could do this ourselves, figuring that he’d be a more than suitable rope gun to lead all the 5.9 and 5.10 pitches. But because of his busy Hollywood career, his most recent lead was the last time we were together in Yosemite, more than two years ago.

Dream crashed into reality, Nick and I came to our senses, and we figured we could get into serious trouble on a route of this magnitude. So after Ken made use sign a couple quick waivers (what… is this going to be dangerous?), we were slogging up to the base of El Cap under the soft glow of our LED headlamps. We hadn’t been scrambling up the steep talus for 5 minutes when I realized how utterly impossible this climb would have been for Nick and I to have pulled off on our own. The trail was mostly obvious but the sheer enormity of the climb was beginning to set in. While it was pretty dark and the moon had set you could still make out a faint silhouette of El Cap looming overhead. Once you actually hit El Cap I was surprised how cleanly it started. We came up on the start of the route Zodiac and it literally just begins as a clean vertical face. Grass and soil meet the granite face at a 90 degree angle, I had envisioned the wall would start at the edge of all that rocky crap we had just hiked up but this almost seemed civilized… like the start of Horseman at the Gunk’s. The East Buttress actually begins atop a ridge that is about 1,000 feet above the valley floor, so we continued to hike. We arrived at the base of the route in about 50 minutes and it was still dark. We got on our harnesses and prepared for the climb while we waited for some daylight. After some discussions on how things would transpire Ken elected me to clean all the gear since I had been climbing more. He would lead each pitch, set up an anchor and put both of us on belay. He would then call for Nick to climb and once Nick was 10 – 20 feet above me I would indicate I was climbing and clean the gear. THAT sucks. If burly 5.9 climbing isn’t bad enough now I have to hang out and fiddle with cleaning gear. (This was my idea?)

Pitch 1: Good morning boys… 5.9 Yosemite chimney wake up call. Due to the nature of chimney climbing (you essentially shove your entire body in this slot of granite and do whatever you can to inch your way upwards) you need to hang your pack off your harness a couple feet below your shoes. So if using every muscle to grunt upwards isn’t bad enough you now have a fairly heavy pack hanging below you getting stuck every few minutes so you have to stop all progress (if you have actually achieved any) and dislodge it and keep going. Did I mention chimney climbing sucks? I had done one other chimney in my climbing career (also in Yosemite at the start of the Royal Arches Route) but that was 5.6 and this was three grades harder and considerably steeper… dead vertical in fact. I’ll guess that if you have experience and technique these things are probably not so bad. If nothing else you never feel like you will fall since you are literally lodged in the thing (although an occasional slip has you loosing a few feet of precious progress). However… without any real technique you expend tremendous amounts of energy to gain 8 vertical inches. By the time I got to the belay I was literally battered and exhausted… and this was pitch one. The only positive thing was I knew this pitch would be a killer and now it was behind us. Up next, the “crux” pitch.

Pitch 2: The move out of the small corner stance of a belay is what makes this route 5.10b so it is technically the crux… unless you just pull gear to step past it because after being humbled by that 5.9 chimney you have resigned to just getting up this thing. In all honesty I don’t think the move was too hard but it was a step right off the belay and with 90’ of rope above me I knew the stretch would deposit me way below my starting point. Did Nick pull the gear? I’ll never tell . Since I was running clean-up I had the unpleasant task of using that first piece for a little aid but then being faced with having to clean it. Using small edges for the feet and thin hands I got the piece out and began moving up. The topo calls the next 70’ an “awkward flaring 5.9 groove”. Picture a funnel cut in half and the profile of the cut face. The “groove” was essentially a wide hands crack that flared out so it mostly just got in your way. The jams were solid but you had to work your hands and feet up in the order they were… you couldn’t step through since the “V” was so deep your leg took up most of the space and to get one foot around the other was an impossible task so you would bring the front foot forward as far as you could, bring up the rear one to kick the heel of the front and repeat in this sequence of truncated steps. So that’s what they mean by awkward. Ugh! To top things off, the last 12 feet turn off-width so before you know it you’re using this chicken wing arm jam thing as your feet spread wider and wider apart in a stem. Again… Ugh! We were moving fast since we were a party of three and days are shorter and Ken wanted nothing to do with rappelling the east ledges in the dark. Needless to say I was hurting after only two pitches of very NON-Gunk’s like climbing. Serious doubt that we could pull this off was beginning to surface… but we had a bunch of “easy” stuff in front of us so maybe all is not lost, right? “Yeah,” agreed Ken, “the real burly stuff doesn’t begin until much higher up on the route.” Wait, what the fuck did he just say? Aren’t we through the crux? Feelings of doubt rapidly rising again. Ken very bluntly informed us that the “real” crux is actually the two 5.9 pitches up on pitch 8 and 9. But no time to worry … onward and upward we went..

Pitch 3: A mostly uneventful 5.6 but it was much welcomed after what we just finished. The pitch was short and I think most link it with pitch 2 but Ken decided to keep an eye on us at the top of the 5.9 slot so he decided to not link them.

Pitch 4: This is the money shot pitch. Some 5.5 traversing and down climbing puts you on this terrific 5.6 aręte that offers a great photo op from the belay. Totally enjoyable.

Pitch 5: Essentially 80 feet of 4th class brings you to the start of the good things to come. Chowed down a power bar and some beef jerky at this point but the pace really never let up… Ken was on a mission with us.

Pitch 6: Another really nice pitch! 160’ of mostly 5.7 climbing with a 5.8 move thrown in for good measure. Many good finger jams which I was starting to get the hang of.

Pitch 7: Steep 5.7 takes you to some blocky up and right moves and finishes on a 5.8 roof. The roof was easy 5.8 by Gunk’s standards but I’ll be honest and say I either didn’t notice it on the topo or forgot but it caught me off guard after 130’ of climbing to see the rope going over a roof.

Pitch 8: This was the start of the “burly stuff” Ken was so kind to mention down below. It didn’t look to bad… climb an aręte to a left arching crack that deposits you on a 5.7 chimney… no problem, I’m getting the hang of this stuff. Ken set out and before we knew it there was a lot of grunting and swearing coming from that arching crack… and it looked HARD. Wait a minute… this guy has climbed the nose in less than 4 hours with Dean Potter… is he putting us on? There was a major sigh of relief when he finished the crack and was at the base of the 5.7 chimney. Maybe he wasn’t kidding. Oh great! More grunting coming from the chimney. I’m thinking I want to be on the ground drinking on the patio at the Ahwahnee. “Off belay!” You’re up Nick! To say Nick made it look easy would be a lie, but Mr. Bitch-N-Moan did make short work of the arching crack. Ken had stayed a little high on the crack but Nick choose a lower route by hand traversing with his feet low on the smooth face, and he almost made it look easy. In Ken’s defense, Nick wasn’t protecting the thing but he was looking like he would have done just fine if he was. Now I’m left down here to clear the multitude of gear Ken placed and flail on my own. Fuck! Call me childish, but it made me weirdly happy to hear Nick grunting and swearing on the chimney after the crack. The pitch was hard! Of course a nut got stuck midway through it which only added to the misery. I was so happy to stem out and finally get a foot on something positive and end the madness. Fucking great… more chimney! This is beginning to suck. The chimney eventually necks down to 5.9 off-width (which is the original route) but we were doing the optional 5.9 face to bypass the off-width (bless you Ken). The sucky part is after this all out grunting brute force on the chimney you need to switch gears and make this really delicate face move left to gain the thin 5.9 face. This could not have been pretty to watch. I can only imagine what my face must have looked like showing exhaustion, desperation and anticipation… the end is in sight. I started that final move a little high and wasn’t reaching far enough but some encouraging shouts got me focused and grabbing that big hold way out left was the best feeling. Wait a minute… what is this little cluster fuck? A freakin’ hanging belay? You have got to be kidding.

Pitch 9: I’m guessing we’ve been climbing non-stop for around 7 hours and maybe 900 feet … and my feet are starting to ache. You see where I’m heading right? A freakin’ hanging belay! This is the last thing I wanted to contend with right now. Nick managed to claim about 4 square inches of horizontal real estate that I was beginning to eye with jealous desperation. To make matters worse, I stupidly coiled the rope over my leg that was horizontal against the wall so I was really stuck. I occasionally snuck my free foot over to Nick’s patio only to have him grumble about my stepping on his sore feet and promptly chase me away. By this point the only positive note is that the end is in sight… literally. This pitch was a few 5.9 face moves up to a beautiful 5.7 stretch of hand jams. Amazing! I hit the belay with a spring in my step (although my feet and calves were killing me) and the summit not far off (according to Ken ALL the hard stuff was behind us). We being to believe we may actually finish this thing.

Pitch 10: Some 5.5 face into some more 5.5 corner, crack kinda stemming stuff. One thing I can say for this route is it has a little of everything.

Pitch 11: “Where does it go?” This was the first pitch we were officially briefed on prior to Ken heading out on lead. A little up and down traversing followed by a 5.7 hand traverse to gain a ledge below a pinnacle. Climb about 10’ up the pinnacle and then about 15’ down the back side then keep moving right until below a 5.7 face then UP. If you feel like you are on 5.10 terrain you moved up too soon, down climb and keep traversing. The briefing was because this pitch is about 165’ and with all the traversing Ken would be out of ear shot. As usual I got the short straw since he didn’t clip Nick’s rope into any gear which at first looked suspect (safety wise) but after he hit the belay the rope formed a nice long line to Nick so he was essentially on a TR. I, on the other hand, had a rope snaking up, down and over through all kinds of gear… Ken’s advice? “Don’t fall”. This pitch turned out to be a real highlight of the climb. The hand traverse is incredibly exposed. Falling would have been an EPIC since I would be hanging down in air with all the rope stretch but the moves went easy. Down climbing the pinnacle is also equally exposed… you might say frighteningly exposed! Once you gain the steep 5.7 face of knobs you are in heaven (although I wish my feet would stop hurting). In my opinion this was the best pitch on the climb. Literally a sea of knobs but you actually had to do a little route finding or make some harder moves.

Pitch 12: Some blocky 5.7 up to a chimney… holy shit is that another chimney? Oh good, he’s hand traversing around the outside of the huge flake that forms the chimney. This was followed by some more 5.7 to a nice belay in the shade. Well… since I did all the “work” the shade belay only accommodated one and it was reserved for me while Nick roasted out in the sun. Pay back! Although I haven’t commented on it yet the weather was nice. Unusually warm for late October (mid 80’s on the valley floor) but mostly pleasant on the climb… until now. The rock was starting to heat up which wasn’t helping my already hurting feet so the shady belay was very welcome.

Pitch 13: This is it! We’re done after this. Some 5.5 and 5.6 on up to the lower summit. But not to go out on a whimper… the 5.5 move out of the belay corner was, in my opinion, no 5.5. What a great day! I think we hit the summit around 3:30pm Not bad for a party of three… actually quite good. Some 4th class scrambling brought us to the top where we finally relaxed for a minute and ate some bars… and of course Ken rolled a smoke and got his beloved nicotine fix. SHOES OFF! Woo Hoo! This became the new highlight of the trip.

East Ledges Descent: This was interesting but not as bad as I had imagined. You wander down slabs following cairns while being careful not to slip as it could mean plummeting a thousand feet or so. Finding the actual start of the rappels proved to be a little tricky even for Ken… it all looks sort of the same up there. We found fixed lines at all four rappels which made the task that much faster. Ken had mentioned with all the aid lines going free those hard men (and women) working the routes day in and day out fixed the lines. Thanks! Four 200’ rappels brings you to the “ground” but still a good 35 minute hike down a crappy trail before you hit the valley floor. I think we were at the car a little after 5 o’clock. Beer was in order… lots.

Reflections: Now I have heard that there’s nothing better than stumbling into Camp 4 after a hard day of climbing, firing up the Ramen Noodles to go with the cans of beer as the memories of the day spin into epic proportions. Now keep that scene in your mind except you just took a long luxurious shower and no longer stink. The beer is flowing like crazy but someone is pouring it for you. Into a cold glass. Instead of wedging your butt into a CrazyCreek chair at a dusty campsite, you’re sitting on a tall teak chair on the outside patio of the Ahwahnee. Instead of noodles on the camp stove, you’re heading in for a really nice meal where you can choose what suits your fancy at that moment. The tales of the day still are flowing as freely as the beer (or the occasional Bombay Sapphire G&T if that strikes you), and you relax completely. Ahhh, maybe that chimney wasn’t so bad.

All good things must come to an end and so it was with the Ahwahnee. While Nick had been adamant about ONLY staying there during our trip I was a little lazy about making the reservations (plus he kept fucking with the dates), and we could only get a room for Thursday and Friday. So on this fine Saturday morning we had to schlep our way to Camp Curry where we at least had a room with wood walls. We were sore, but since we couldn’t “check in” until 4:30, we headed over to the Church Bowl to do some climbing. What else do you do in Yosemite?

Charlie